And in this chaos there is you - and only you
Dynamics, Mechanics of Solids, Circuits, Surveying, and Differentials. These are the intimidating classes I am taking, but for some inspirational reason, I am at an ease. Of the people I’ve met and those who’ve left, what remains with me are my priority. My family, my friends, and this major. Of that list, however unique they are, only one is independent from the other two. My family are my friends, and vice versa. But my major: Civil Engineering, is the only one of the three that I’m afraid of losing due to my own carelessness.
I’ve lost one good future in this life, and I am not ready to lose a second. This failure, I am not willing to prevail from.
I’ve anticipated my semester’s struggle. I have no one to fall back on this time, nor do I have anyone to inspire me, so I must lean forward, take my steps one trip at a time, and hope that I might gravitate towards my new set goals.
I’m a Civil Engineer. Maybe, it’s not on paper yet, and maybe, I might falter, but I know I am what I say I am. I know this.
For a good amount of my life, I’ve depended on someone to make me happy, for someone to love me, and every time - I’ve failed to recognize my love for self. Being infatuated with my weight and how my hair stands or limps or fraternizing with girls who are not worthwhile are not an example of this, but facilitating my dreams and rooting them in reality are. Someone used to (in)directly tell me this hidden nature of me constantly, and I never listened. Well, here I am. With love lost and gone, I am finally coming to terms - full circle -with what is necessary to live a life worth mentioning to my children and grandchildren and so on.
I had a dream not too long ago about a little girl who rested her tears on the collar of my best shirt. She was my daughter - and she loved me because I was alive when I woke. This is why I do good (aside from well), why I persevere, and why I live. Because somewhere down this broken path, there’s a girl who I know I will love forever even before she comes to existence.
It’s a dream. It’s a fantasy, but I don’t care because someday when the clouds foresee rain, this little girl will bring the stars into alignment. And all I have to do - is brush the clouds away for her to witness what miracle she’s brought upon me.
So, you see, I must.
I am a Civil Engineer, and I am a good person, but I make mistakes. But I will never let it paralyze me. Not now. Not anymore.
